i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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