you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
