He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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