I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
