New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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