I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
