I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this just has baby written all over it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
