walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
