So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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