Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
