Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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