we have officially lost it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
