FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
