my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
