Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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