guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
