u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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