I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
