Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
