i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
