I am puke
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
