Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
