i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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