He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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