It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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