If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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