Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
