soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
