Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Couch. On fire.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
