I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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