He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
