How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
