planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
