Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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