Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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