my mouth tastes like poor choices
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
