all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
