I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
