OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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