Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
