yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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