mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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