K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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