and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
