Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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