I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
