let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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