I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
