my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
