your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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